Mr Scruffy Detective's Assistant
by snorkellingfish
Summary: Gumshoe gives Pearl lessons in how to be a detective.


A/N: This was written ages ago for a kink meme prompt. I'll be bringing over a few stories I wrote for the meme. I hope you enjoy - please review!

"Why are you following me around?" asked Gumshoe.

Pearl looked at Gumshoe with wide eyes. "Didn't Mr Nick tell you?"

Gumshoe tried to think back, but came up with a blank. "Uh, I don't think so."

"But..." Pearl's voice went very small and innocent, "He said you were going to babysit me today?" She looked like she was about to cry. Gumshoe felt his heart melt.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just absent-minded," Gumshoe lied. Pearl still looked sad, so Gumshoe added, "I need an assistant today. How 'bout that? Would you like to be my assistant?"

Pearl suddenly grinned. "Okay, Mr Scruffy Detective! What do I do?"

Gumshoe tried to remember what he'd been doing before he'd noticed the small, pink figure. A red stain in the carpet reminded him. "Oh, that's right! We're at the crime scene."

Pearl gave him an odd look. "But, what do we do now?"

Gumshoe frowned. "I'm not actually sure. I usually just hang around until someone tells me what to do. I'm not actually that good at the detectiving, to tell you the truth..."

"I think you're a great detective!" said Pearl. "I'm sure you can think of something. I mean, how can I be your assistant if you don't teach me?"

Gumshoe considered this for a long moment. "Well, I suppose we can check out the crime scene. For clues, you know?"

"Okay!" Pearl sounded scarily enthusiastic. "Let's look for clues!"

Gumshoe was proud to be a role model. He showed Pearl how to check under beds and in cupboards. He explained to her how the skirt in the closet, the brochure about Hawaii and the necklace on the floor weren't important, but the gun beside the necklace ("The murder weapon," Gumshoe explained) was. He explained that the crime had occurred a week ago, but the police hadn't been called until a neighbourhood kid had looked in the window while trying to find a ball he'd kicked into the garden. Pearl nodded, obviously considering this exciting new information.

"But... Mr Scruffy Detective?" She sounded quite timid.

"Yes, Pearl?" he said, while examining the victim's clock-radio.

"It's just... the man lying there... the one with the blood?"

"What about him?"

"Well, it's just... If the gun's what killed him, why has he got a knife sticking out of his chest?"

"Well, um..." Gumshoe thought about that for a long moment. "That's a good question."

" And, the skirt... Well, I couldn't help but notice... He's kind of a man. Why does he have a skirt?"

Gumshoe scratched his head. "I'm not sure."

Pearl thought about it. "Well, I guess it makes sense if a lady lives here, too. And maybe he tried to use the gun to stop the murderer shooting him?"

"That could work..." Gumshoe admitted.

"But then, where's the lady?" Pearl asked. "I mean, if she lives here, why hasn't she come home yet? It's been a week... Why didn't she call the police before that boy did?" And then she thought some more. "And why aren't there any suits? If the man lives here, he should have suits. All the clothes here are lady's clothes."

"I don't understand," muttered Gumshoe.

Pearl looked around. She noticed the discarded brochure, and handed it to Gumshoe.

"What does this say?" she asked.

"It's about a holiday... to Hawaii."

"Huh-wuh-ee," said Pearl, carefully considering the word.

"Yes, Hawaii," said Gumshoe, not sure where this discussion was going, but knowing that, thanks to Pearl, he'd gotten more work done in the last five minutes than he would have in many hours.

"Maybe the lady went on holidays to Huh-wee," Pearl considered.

Gumshoe's eyes widened. "You might be on to something there! But, then, where did the man come from?"

Pearl looked at the man carefully. She noted his worn leather jacket and untidy hair. She also looked at the knife, the gun, and the necklace on the floor.

"Mama always told me that cities are full of thieves and murderers. Maybe that man wanted to steal the necklace?"

"But then, how did he end up dead?"

"Maybe another thief tried to steal the necklace from the first thief?" Pearl considered. "But, no, that would be too coh-ee... coincidental? Maybe they were working together, then?"

Gumshoe shook his head in amazement. Unfortunately, that was when Franziska von Karma walked in.

"Are you shaking your head in foolish bewilderment? Again? Why, oh, why can't I have a detective with even half a brain?" Franziska was getting ready to whip him, when suddenly there was a loud slap. Franziska looked down at the small pink figure who was brave enough to stand up to her.

"You brought a child to the crime scene? Are you an even bigger fool than the foolish fool I took you for?" Franziska asked. Something in her tone made Gumshoe flinch, but she was staring at Pearl, not him. Any other day, Gumshoe would have been glad of that fact, but today he felt the need to stand up for his small charge.

"But, Prosecutor... You should hear what she has to say about the crime scene. She's really smart!"

Franziska frowned, but listened to Pearl's theories. After Pearl had explained everything she'd noticed, Franziska couldn't help but smile.

"So, little pink girl... Would you like to be a detective?"

Pearl's eyes widened. "Me? A detective?"

Gumshoe coughed nervously, and the others turned to look at him.

"Yes? What is it, fool?" Franziska stared at him as though he were an unpleasant variety of bug.

"Well, it's just... Last I heard, there were no openings in the detective department... So, um, I was wondering how you'd..."

Franziska's grin made her look like a shark. Gumshoe had never noticed that before.

"Well, let's see... I suppose she could have your job."

Gumshoe hung his head, and thus didn't see exactly what happened next. He did, however, hear a loud slapping sound, and then a shriek from Franziska. He then heard a small high pitched voice shout, "Don't you dare treat Mr Scruffy Detective like that!"

He looked up cautiously, expecting to see a whip curling his way. He knew that he was the prosecutor's favourite target, even when he wasn't the one to annoy her. He was surprised to notice no whip winding his way. Then he realised why: the whip was somehow in Pearl's hands.

"My mama always took my toys away when I was naughty. I'm taking this whip away until you learn to be nice."

Gumshoe was amazed to notice that Franziska looked almost... contrite.

"You're right. I'm sorry. But if you do want a job... just ask. After all, you're less of a fool than the fools I do pay."

Pearl grinned. "Really? Because, I do want a job!"

"You want to be a detective?"

"No, " Pearl answered. "I want to be Mr Scruffy Detective's assistant."


End file.
